Inspiration, Self-Doubt and Recovery! Starring Me with Guest LycoRogue!

Well, this week has been...interesting, to say the least. 

A lot of stuff of happened personally and creatively, however, as usual, I'll only try to slim it to only talk about writing stuff, since that's what this blog is mainly about.

So, starting from last weekend. To cut it down to a sentence, this describes the following weekend: I was sick. XD Ok ok I was being a smart aleck. Sue me :P. Seriously though, I was sick. Saturday, I had a fever on and off all day. I got to 100.7F! Then, I'd take medicine and get as low as 94F. >_> I basically slept all day! I tried to write something on my laptop, but my eyes felt like they were burning from the inside of my skull whenever I looked at the screen. I then tried doing the old-fashioned pencil-and-paper, but that also worked against me, since I realized it was my fever was making me feel like my eyeballs were on fire, not any computer screen. Sunday is when I was a bit more normal. Sure, I had a fever, but it was  only 99.2F. Not too bad, plus, my eyes weren't burning, so that was also a plus. However, at that time, I couldn't really focus on school work too much, so I just caught up on some shows that I usually miss watching on TV (haha funny story about the TV...It's broken...kinda XD). 

After that, I decided I had to do SOMETHING productive, so, I opened up a blank word doc, turned off the wifi receiver on my laptop, and worked on my assignment for writing fiction. 

Now, as usual, I'm talking about my Writing: Fiction class. This is because I honestly love this class. Sure, it meets at night for two hours on two days of the week, and prevents me from finishing classes for the day around the same time my roommate finishes her classes, but, despite that, I still love the class. I love talking about fiction. I love trying to figure out what something means, then talking about it with other people, then sculpting a better meaning for the story based on discussion with my peers. I love listening to these writing styles from these people (even if they seriously make me doubt my ability as a writer majority of the time!) and improving my own style, with every passing class session. Plus the fact that my other classes are either science classes, or a class club where I'm President and have to be on top of things...

The writing assignment for my writing fiction class for last weekend was the following: 

-Imagine a character. Take time to brainstorm about age, appearance, class, occupation, etc.--in short, the things that make a person an individual then;

-In a list, write down all the things your character wants then;

-Mark or add your character's primary desire, what she or he or it wants most in the world, to the list then;

-Consider what is standing in the way of the character fulfilling her/his/its primary desire then;

-Write the beginning of your character's story 

The story should be between 1 and 3 pages, double-spaced, with one-inch margins.

Here's the thing: I could've written anything my little heart desired. I could've written about an football player. Or a king. Or a spaceman. Or a football-playing-king-in-space. With a mustache.

But why would I do that? Why would I ignore the opportunity given to me to write about someone who I know instead of making someone else up? Someone who told me their story and took control of my typing fingers? 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I wrote an "Of Blood and Honor" (Which, from this moment onward, will be known as "OB&H") excerpt, yet again. 

I already pre-planned the character out a bit, and this assignment just gave me an excuse to write about her.  Her and her antics in Surpareitzo.

Just as a reminder, here is the cast for "OB&H" (the more and more I think about this story, the longer and longer it becomes. I was thinking this would be a single book, but, as time carries on, I think it's actually going to be a book series. But I'll talk more on this point a little later). 

We have:

33 

Natsu Nagayo

Kyo Nagayo

Kotone Nagayo

Rose Tockler

Alemandria (Alemina as a nickname) Arias

Quentin Cheviot

Reynard Fletcher

Marina Yañes

Marina's father

Of course, there are others with names, but this is the main cast. 33 has a real name, but, again, that is secret ;)

The excerpt that I wrote this time, however, is unlike any of the previous ones I've written, because it wasn't in third person. It was in first person.

Usually, I'm a huge Anti-First-Person-POV story teller, but, it actually wasn't written too bad. (and I'm not saying this because I am blinded into loving my writing. On the contrary, I'm very self-doubting over my craft, and am usually the first to criticize any concoction I come up with, you can even ask LycoRogue, my lovely beta. She'll be the first person to tell you this is true!) 

The character that took over my mind and typing finger on Sunday was...DRUMROLL PLEASE...Ms. Marina Yañes!!!

Yes, this character, who may seem unimportant now, is actually VERY important to the story! And she's not even a Princess! Just a commoner! (A baker's daughter to be exact!) 

I showed Lyco my little Marina drabble via fanfiction DocX and she actually liked it a lot, and told me the characteristics I listed for Marina were some that describe Marina's life, yet, aren't details she would think of including for Marina's description. 

Now THAT is saying something. 

If you guys read Lyco's work, you'll see that she adds many details that help move the story, instead of halting it altogether. I've always admired that about her work; how she gives you enough details to show you what is happening without suffocating you with pages and pages of a useless description. So, for her to say that *I* had a detail in there that she would've never thought of????!!! 

MIND BLOWN!

Which brings me to why Lyco is guest starring in this blog entry. As you all know, Lyco is my beta. But, I also kind of think of her as one of my writing mentors. (The other being a high school friend who literally acts like my big sister in the most awesome sense of the word. We're very random together. We can be talking about something as serious as women's right, then, randomly talk about Rapunzel's pet in "Tangled") 

This past week, she was given a huge opportunity from HER writing mentor. The awesome thing about Lyco is that she shares EVERYTHING she finds useful on Writer's Huddle with fellow writers of hers (myself included). 

She even gave me this link to inspire me to write more "OB&H".

When I saw this list, I was literally able to say "yes" to every single thing on the list. But, of course, I was still self-doubting my writing ability and worried her. Again. >_>

This is what I wrote on my penname's FB: "Another one of those doubt things. I love OB&H  but I'm worried. Am I just making another one of those fad books? Because I don't want that. I want to write something that people will genuinely love because of its depth, which cannot be caught at first glance. I want OB&H to mean something more than just a fad and crappy movie based on it. Maybe this is really silly to even think about now...IDK this is just something that's been on my mind recently..."  

Now, the above statement is true. I don't want my book to be the next Twilight or Hunger Games (not that the Hunger Games series is bad, I cannot say because I haven't read the books). What I mean is that I don't want "OB&H" to be a fad book, then grow dust in the Fantasy aisle after like 3 years. I want it to have lasting power, maybe even a book English teachers use for class. But, I always worry that my story will never be good enough.

Obviously, Lyco (figuratively) slapped some sense into me. (Via "come on! You. Awesome." kinds of comments)

As you can all tell, I get very very very self-demeaning when it comes to writing. I always find my stories missing depth and readability. I think the reason I'm so unsure about my writing is because, growing up, people around me always said my stories "weren't good enough". The person who introduced me to poetry would encourage me to write it, but always gave me the "aren't good enough" kind of critiques of an up and coming poet. (Of course, I'll admit, my early works were by no means any forms of gems, but, a little encouragement would've been nice. I had none of that. My mom never even found out I wrote poetry until my senior year of high school!) 

Lyco thinks this is why I get so self-conscious, and I'd have to agree with her there, but that doesn't prevent me from being self-conscious about my writing. I just am. 

It doesn't seem to matter how many people I talk to that genuinely love my writing, I still get very "oh, I'm not a good writer! I suck at description and dialogue!" 

Which is why I come to depend on Lyco. She's my support, and she's really been giving me super support this past week, even if we can't have our long FB chats or even Writer's Conferences as much as we used to. 

Of course, I also have the awesome sauce Angelblood666, the person I beta for (although, lately it seems he no longer needs me) who also encourages me to write, because he also believes I'm good at it. 

So, now, around a week since I have updated, I can say that my sinus inflammation is all but vanished, and that my self-doubt in writing is slowing ebbing away.

Hopefully, next week, I actually write more "OB&H" stuff, but we'll just have to see where the next week takes me!

Till then, have a creatively random week!

And remember to write about all those football-playing-kings-in-space. With mustahces.    (<I:{D)